Western vs. Vietnamese Culture: Same Same but Very Different

When I was picked up from the Ho Chi Minh City airport by the taxi driver 8 months ago, I excitedly blurted out to the driver, “bạn khỏe không?” or “how are you?” in Vietnamese. The guy looked back at me like I had just asked him “excuse me, do you want me to set your underwear on fire?”. What I learned later on, is that you DON’T ask a stranger “how are you?”. Unless of course, you really want to know their full health report. Silly, silly foreigner.

You can probably guess that 8 months later, I’m a helluva lot more culturally fluent. I’ve had to learn the hard way – yes, I was calling elders “little sibling” (em) for the first two months. And yes, I’ve offended all my coworkers by provocatively showing off my shoulders at work. Fast forward to today – I sure as hell don’t know it all, but indeed I’ve learned A LOT, thanks to the help of my Vietnamese friends, students, coworkers and kind strangers, who have turned me from a naive, ignorant and wide-eyed Westerner to a well-versed fish-sauce lovin’, strong tea drinkin’, assimilated American. Now, before you read it on, I want you to know that many of these “American” cultural references actually apply to all Western cultural habits, but I can’t compare Vietnam to an entire hemisphere of the globe! So, I’m keeping it parallel and limiting it to what I know best:

Seatbelts ready? Through the eyes of an American girl living in Vietnam, let’s take a ride on the culture train.

1. Small talkvietnamese culture

When you meet a fellow American for the first time, you ask the simple questions: “where are you from?“, “what do you do?“, maybe pry a bit more into their job, and leave it at that. Whatever you do, ya’ don’t get too personal.  Already know the person and see them everyday? Great! That means you probably have asked them “how are you?” at least 324 times over the past year. It’s actually quite a skill, American small talk; ask as many meaningless questions as you can to avoid awkward silence, without eliciting a response that is any deeper than “yea, good!”. Professional small talk questions include the following, said with utmost enthusiasm each time: “how are you, buddy?” “how’s it goin’?!” “How’s your day, man?” “Hey girl, how was your weekend?

In Vietnam, ain’t nobody got time for that. When you first meet someone, ya’ get straight to the point. Almost always the first question is “how old are you?” (which at first, I was put off – like, don’t you know you’re never supposed to ask a lady her age?!). It’s the most important preliminary detail to know about someone, as that tells you what pronoun they should address you by (“I” and “you” change based on relative age). Then, typical follow-up questions  “Are you married?” “What’s your salary?” “what street do you live on??”. Yep – if someone wants to steal your identity, the cards are on the table. For the people you see daily, there is “everyday small talk” too, but it’s basically limited to one question – “Did you eat (lunch/ dinner/ insert meal here) yet?” Followed by nothing…no dinner invites. Just curiosity.

2. Family life

vietnamese culture

So you’re an 18-year-old American, you say? Run. Go far. Go very, very far. In the USA, as soon as youngsters have their legal independence, you fly and go to college far enough from home that your mom can’t pop up at your doorstep with cookies (although the cookies are always welcome). Families are spread out all over the US, often a plane ride away. My fam is a perfect example – my parents are in New York, my grandpa in Florida, my aunt and uncle in Atlanta, my step-siblings in Colorado and my cousins dispersed in too many different states to count. I’m lucky if I see everyone once a year.

Now, in Vietnam, families stay as close to each other as possible.  Family duty is no joke, and it’s your responsibility as a son/daughter to take care of your parents and elder family members. And when you have kids, they’ll take care of you. If mom calls at 9:30 on a Saturday night to come home and help with chores when you’re out with your friends, you don’t question her – you go. A family unit stays as close to each other as possible. And yes, sometimes that means sleeping in the same bed as your parents! The above pic is a real Facebook post from my friend’s Vietnamese cousin who was about to get married (translated to English) – only 2 weeks left to sleep with mom and dad.

3. Body language

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay American friends, pop quiz! What do you think the lovely barista above is trying to tell me?? If you said “maybe” – you’re WRONG! That means “no” in the Vietnamese world. “No luck today kid, we’re outta coffee. “Other “no” gestures include my personal fave, the big “X” – crossing your hands in front of your face kind of like a superhero.

Now, Vietnamese friends. Your turn. What is this guy saying?

That’s right! That’s a big, fat “NOPE”. In the USA, we wag our pointer finger back and forth or shake our head to say “no”. We twist our hand back and forth to say ehhhh maybe, and shrug our shoulders to say “I don’t know.”

4. The sun

vietnamese culture

In the USA…suns out? Guns out! Quick, everybody get naked and slather on that tanning oil! The goal? To be bronze enough that you might actually be mistaken for a different ethnicity.

In Vietnam, you fear the sun. The sun is your worst enemy, your arch nemesis, and you might just melt if exposed for too long. Or even worse…GET TAN. You’ll see women covered head to toe, with only their eyes exposed when they’re out during the day. In Vietnamese culture, the whiter the skin, the more beautiful you are. And the tanner the skin, well…expect to be shunned from society. Okay, not quite…but you will get endless criticism from family, friends and even strangers calling your skin “ugly”.  It dates back to forever ago, when dark skin was associated with farmers, and white skin meant you were of the sophisticated “indoors” class. Which brings me to…

5. The beach

vietnamese culture

Ask an American what their perfect day at the beach is, and they’ll say something like this: “give me a beach day with a beaming sun, not a cloud in the sky, and make it hot. Like really hot, with a nice balmy breeze.” The first day I arrived in Da Nang, it was a “perfect” beach day – so I obviously made a B-line to the beach. And then I got really freaked out, like some weird apocalyptic wipe-out-all-humankind event was happening. It was 1 PM on a Saturday –  Welp, more beach for me!

Turns out, that’s the absolute worst beach scenario for a Vietnamese person. Hot, sunny, middle of the day with not a soul in sight? You might as well voluntarily throw yourself into a volcanic pit. Here, the prime beach experience is 5 am sunrise (yes, that’s right) packed with hundreds of people getting their exercise in for the day – ladies’ Zumba classes, volleyball games, granny aerobics, badminton, joggers – the energy is truly contagious. Or, try 5 pm sunset for a bustling playground full of parents splashing in the shallow end with their babies, swimmers staying close to other swimmers in the roped off zone, and dusky “sun”bathers going horizontal on their beach blanket.

6. Karaoke

vietnamese culture
original photo via flickr @ Mark Sebastian

In the USA, you only do Karaoke if it’s past midnight and you’ve taken at least 5 shots, drank 3 beers, and been peer pressured on to the stage by fellow drunk friends and strangers. Your alcohol infused self reluctantly accepts. And then you become Beyoncé. You then don’t repeat that night for at least a year.

Have you ever seen 5 dudes sitting in miniature plastic chairs on the sidewalk eating takeout and belting karaoke? Well, if not, then you haven’t been to Vietnam. Karaoke is a religion – especially if you’re a middle-aged man. Walk through the streets of Vietnam past dark and hear the echoes of (sometimes not-so) melodious Vietnamese ballads being sung from blocks away. Maybe there was alcohol involved in that passionate Viet-Aretha-Franklin-like singing, or maybe not. Maybe it’s coming from someone’s living room karaoke machine, where the family is gathered together for the love of song. Or maybe, it’s leaking from inside a karaoke bar where coworkers are joint together for a little post-work, post-dinner fun. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s coming from a plain ol’ no frills coffee shop. That’s right – My first week in Vietnam, I stayed at an Airbnb that was right next to a coffee shop…that had a microphone. Every morning for an entire week, my 6 am wake up call came in through my window on full blast. And no, they were not drunk from the night before.

7. Saturday Night Fun

vietnamese culture

As a pubescent, devious teenager ready to party in the USA, you’ve got one thing on your adolescent mind: get laid and fuc*ed up. Keg stands, beer pong, funnels…you name it, and young Americans have thought about how to drink with it. Fast forward to young adults in the 20-something age range – while we’ve matured from shotgunning cheap beer to drinking artistically bottled craft beer at trendy bars, our social lubricant is and always will be, alcohol.

Now, let’s talk about Vietnamese teenagers – so young, so beautifully innocent. You ask an 18-year-old how they want to spend their Saturday, and they’ll tell you “at a coffee shop drinking milk tea!” EXCUSE ME WHAT? I taught a handful of teenage classes, and they were all so… pure. Bubble tea is their guilty pleasure, the thing mom is yelling at them for drinking too much of. Fast forward to young adults in their 20s… and bubble tea is still the drink of choice for many (girls especially). In fact, it only became socially acceptable for girls to drink beer about 6 years ago – no wonder! So, many young women haven’t adopted a taste for it and just don’t like alcohol in general. I’ll admit, I’m a beer girl through and through, and I had a hard time with this. If you wanna make friends with Vietnamese who drink socially, target the 30-somethings and older. Or, acquire a taste for bubble tea.

But at the end of the day

vietnamese culture

Americans might eat with forks and Vietnamese with chopsticks. We might use different mannerisms, spend our Saturday nights differently and jam out to different kinds of music. But at the end of the day, we can all admire the same beach sunset. We can laugh at the same miscommunications, understand each other through a smile, share a curiosity about each other’s cultures, take a selfie together, sit at one table and cheers to a home-cooked meal. As the Vietnamese would say, at the end of the day, we’re all “same same but different.”

Have you experienced American or Vietnamese culture shock? Are you a Westerner in Vietnam? Comment below and tell us your experience!

18 thoughts on “Western vs. Vietnamese Culture: Same Same but Very Different

  1. Casie, I loved your article! Intercultural communication is always exciting, isn’t it? I’m already looking forward to your next blog post!
    -Ine, from Athens, Greece

    1. That’s awesome to hear Ine! I’m glad you liked it 🙂 Have you ever been to Vietnam??

      PS- I’ve been to Greece and it’s one of my absolute favorite countries!! What a stunning country, with some of the BEST food in the world! You’re very lucky 🙂

      Cheers from Vietnam!
      Casie (AWC)

    2. I am black and I do not ask people what they do for a living. When some people ask that they are a. Trying to see how much money you make. B. If you aren’t holding some sort of title they move on. We see that as rude.

  2. The inimitable amazing Casie does it again!!!! Great Reading!!! I have one “Negative” comment- when listing your “family” all over theUS – you forgot your Auntie Lenore in NY!!!!!!! I’m just teasing you my sweet Casie. you’re quite a special person xoxoxox

  3. Being a westerner and having lived in Los Angeles for several years this is very obvious for me but after speaking with several friends I know in HCMC who were born in Vietnam who left Vietnam at an early age when their families migrated to the US, Australia and or the UK, ranging in age from their 20’s to their mid forties (sorry Loc, kaka). On returning to Vietnam as adults to reconnect with their country, cultural origins and family members in Vietnam they have all said they are struggling terribly to reconnect with their country and their cultural origins. The distance between these countries and Vietnam may only be between 2000 – 8000 miles away from each other but culturally – the distance is far greater.

    1. That’s really interesting to hear, Mark! I’d be really interested to talk to them and hear more about their experiences and the things they found most culturally challenging. I can imagine it must be really difficult to go back “home” and actually feel like an outsider in your own homeland. I’ve only been out of the US for 4 years, and when I’ve gone home I feel that way. I can only imagine what it must be like being away for the majority of your life!

      Thanks for sharing!!

      -Casie (AWC)

      1. There is a wonderful book called “John đi tìm Hùng” (John is seeking for Hung), by an American-born young Vietnamese who wandered the country to figure out his origin. I think the original version was actually in English but I read the translated one. I am a Vietnamese living in US and I have the other perspective (but I guess we all agree it is not called cultural “shock” when you feel like you move forward and not backward in time). In my heart, Vietnam and US are just two separate worlds. My friend referred your blog to me and she wants me to look up the one on motorbikes… Thanks for the great insights and more so, the witty humor. Having been living in US since 2005, I do have a growing “Westerner” take on everything happening back home now, I could definitely relate!!! Good job!

        1. Thank you for your comment Trang! It’s so interesting that you’re reading this with the opposite experience – I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on the cultural differences from your perspective! I’m glad you enjoyed it and could resonate 🙂

  4. Hello Cassie, My name is not really Mr Black, however im about to post up my real number on your website. I have just arrived in Vietnam, on little more then a whim and I would love to pick your brains. I have read some your articles and you seem reasonably well versed on the Nam. I am an Australian man, and I plan on staying in VN for the next year or so. I arrived in Saigon a few days ago and will soon start mission creeping up the coast. Yes this is really my number for WhatsApp, viber, kakao talk, zalo etc. Lets hope not too many freaks message me. hahah wtf.
    here it is +61 452 364 594
    If you feel like contacting me that would be great. If not thats fine also as its probably a slightly strange request.
    Thanks 🙂

    1. Hey Mr. Black! (I can call you that, right?? haha.)
      I’m happy to answer any questions you might have about Vietnam travel, life, or anything of the sort! The best way to communicate is via email, so I’ll give you my email and you can send me any questions you might have about Vietnam. 🙂 Here it is: awanderingcasiedilla@gmail.com

      Hope to hear from you and happy wandering!!
      Casie (AWC)

  5. Great observation, Casei. And so damn true!
    Nothing can certainly be generalized for the whole population but I agree mostly.
    By the way, I was born and raised in Vietnam and having been around to overseas and back to Vietnam recently. Your comparison is funny but makes lots of sense. Love it.

    Cheers from Saigon.
    Hieu B

    1. Glad you can appreciate it Hieu! It’s so interesting to see your own country with new eyes – from a foreigner’s perspective, but also through your own having left overseas and returning back. I’m back in the US now but I miss Vietnam everyday!

      Cheers from San Francisco!
      Casie

  6. Haha! I am laughing my ass off reading this blog. As a Viet living in the US, I can vouch that your observations are legit.

  7. I’m here to seeking some information for my assignment about Vietnam & American culture. Your article is not very close to what I need but you know, it turns out to how cute of a Western girl living and getting used to with Vietnam lifestyle. I think that I already understand some of your surprises ’cause I’m also in tourism and have chances to share with foreigners about their stories in Vietnam. Everything is said, your words made me laugh so much and it gave me sympathy and, I love it hahaha

  8. Trying to learn about Vietnamese culture after spending several hours with 6 nail technicians last night,found this.So funny.went to newish neighbors house to tell them to turn music down.(other people had been complaining not me)was offered food and beer and stayed .had fun,but so embarrassed after reading this.I told them I’d been enjoying the female singers,but the males from last week sucked..was offered to sing karaoke last night..realized it was them singing.oops!!!!but nice people admitted they’d never hung out with a white girl before and apparently I’m expected back next Sunday

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