Why I Took a Year-Long Break from Blogging

It’s been 11 long ass months since my last blog post. Gasp. I know. Crazy, right?! And lemme tell you guys, a lot has happened. I moved to majestically foggy San Francisco. I got my very first 9-5 big girl job. I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend. I got a badass knife set and blender that I plan on keeping for more than a year. And slowly but surely, I assimilated back into the USA.

But those life things aren’t my excuses for not writing to you. Nope.

It’s not that I’ve been too busy to write. It’s not the fact that I’m back in the U.S. and lack the inspiration. And it’s certainly not that I have forgotten about all my wanderers out there who have been loyal AWC-ers since the start.

You guys were right there with me as I was posting daily on my instagram from [insert exotic location here]. You read my weekly posts reporting on my latest far-flung adventure colored by warm-hearted locals, mouthwatering food and off-the-beaten-path treasures.

But I needed space.

No, no, not from you! From the blog.

After spending four years religiously posting every Friday, I was burnt out. Why, you ask? I’ll confess:

Being “a blogger” brought me all sorts of internal strife. I struggled with identity crisis, got nervous sweats at the thought of filming myself, and wasted way too much time agonizing about the perfect Instagram caption. [Let’s out big sigh]. There, I said it.

Before I start my blog up again, I want to let you in on my very real struggle, beyond the glamorous beach photos and envy-inducing travel tales. I want to confess the real reason why I fell off the face of the blogosphere for a year, and the raw feelings that go along with the seemingly foot-loose and fancy-free lifestyle of travel blogging.

Confession #1: I despise social media. Instagram, I’m looking at you.

Here’s the most honest Instagram post I ever made. Click right and press play to see the real me.

View this post on Instagram

 

Expectation vs. reality #nhatrang #honmunisland #weekendtrip

A post shared by Casie (@awanderingcasiedilla) on Apr 22, 2018 at 4:14am PDT

Yep. The reality is I was flopping around like a dead fish for 20 minutes before I got a single picture that was mildly poised.

As much as I adore writing articles, I’ve always struggled with the whole posting and promoting myself on social media thing. But whether I liked it or not, as a blogger I knew that Instagram and all things social media were a necessary evil. “You’re nothing without your social following”, they would tell me.

I remember this one time I got tapas with a very successful blogger chick with over 85K IG followers. We met in a humble, dimly lit tapas bar in Barcelona. Everything was going just dandy. Until she whipped out her camera. She stuck that thing in my face as I was mid-bite tostada, put her arm around me, and started narrating to her many IG followers where we were and how we were BFFs and all. I was just trying to flipping eat my tostada in peace. That was the moment that I decided “if being a successful blogger means giving up my personal space and dignity to my camera, no thanks Jack.” 

This was the birth of my conscious battle with my arch nemesis and longtime foe, Instagram.

I hate how I felt a constant pressure to stop genuine, beautifully fleeting real life moments to record and share a superficial snapshot. I hate that the sentiment, “if it’s not posted, did it actually happen?” is a pop culture, millennial not-so-joking joke.

I hate the unrealistic expectation set by the Instaworld to be hot, glamorous and photo-ready at all times. Like who wears a dress, oversized sun hat and cute shoes on a HIKE? I couldn’t help but to compare myself to all those travel influencers, thinking “how can I be more like that?” And here I am, my head on a quesadilla body for peeps sake.

And THE WORST. I despise how the number of likes on your post becomes tied to your feeling of self-worth. And how having a “k” next to your number of followers determines if you’re worthy or “legit”.

We are all worthy and legit, aren’t we?

It ain’t right. Can I get an amen?!

After realizing all these unhealthy feelings associated to my social media usage, did I stop? Nope. I was in deep. As long as AWC was up and running, I felt committed to keep posting every damn day.

Confession #2: Posting started feeling like homework.

Me when post day rolled around.

When I started my blog back in 2014 (holy f***in guacamole time flies), I was fiery passionate about it. I had just moved to Spain, and everything was new and exciting and I couldn’t wait to tell the world about it. With every year that passed as I was living in Spain and then in Vietnam, I grew a little bit less and less enthused to write. By my last few months in Vietnam, it was a serious chore; something I had to do because I had made a promise to myself to keep doing it.

But why? If I’m no longer enjoying it, why do it?

Confession #3: Blog life and personal life became one. And it was trouble.

Separating my personal life from my blog became pretty much impossible. I mean, I was AWC. When I spontaneously had a conversation with an elderly Vietnamese woman about her story in the Vietnam War, I had to document it. When I was out with my friends drinking in a hole-in-the-wall Flamenco tavern, had to film it. Every time I ate something amazing, my darling angel boyfriend would wait until I was done taking pics before eating. And yes, by that time the food was cold.

There was this constant feeling playing on repeat in my head that said “oh shit, I should really be documenting this.” I started feeling guilty when I was actually enjoying something without recording it.

When am I working and when am I living? It was a question I really struggled with. That’s why I was so excited to get “a real job” upon my U.S. return. I would leave my work behind at 5pm(ish), and proceed on to my very own personal life.

So when I got back to the U.S., in my time of intense transition with a new job, new city and new life, I decided it was the perfect time to take a break from AWC. Not a divorce, but a healthy separation.

My time away takeaways?

In my nearly one year of reflection, I’ve realized that those things I was stressing about just don’t matter. Life’s too short. Fuc* em. Here’s what I learned, and I hope at least one of these nuggets of wisdom can resonate with you too.

1. If you don’t like doing something (and it’s not your $$ livelihood) be good to yourself. Don’t do it.

2. Be honest with who you are. If you’re not jivin’ with the hot IG girl persona, embrace what makes you you.

3. Try your very best not to compare yourself. Behind the screen, you have no idea what their deal is.

4. Good moments are fleeting, so don’t miss them by trying to capture them. Savor them.

Where do we go now?

I’ve missed writing about the vibrant cultures that give color to the world we live in. I’ve missed writing about the stories of the people and the mouthwatering food that makes every inch of the globe uniquely magnificent. I’ve missed empowering people to live their best wanderlust-filled life. And I’ve missed you guys.

You know how they say “if you love ’em let ’em go and if they come back they’ll be yours forever?” Well baby, I’m back.

Writing to you from San Francisco, California…

AWC is BACK! More on AWC 2.0 Coming soon.

Let’s talk about it. Can you relate?