Ready to get españolizado?
1. There are 3 hours a day where you can’t buy anything. Plan shopping accordingly.
2. Sleeping in the middle of the day is acceptable
Preface: the daytime snoozer is a luxury for working people and parents. The “siesta” nap is mostly done on weekends, holidays or extremely hot summer days. However, if your schedule permits on a weekday, SLEEP! It’s totally socially acceptable to take a grownup nap in the middle of a workday.
3. Store and restaurant hours lie.
Oh, Google says that store is open at 10 am on Friday? Well, if they’re on vacation, their cousins are visiting, or merely don’t want to get out of bed yet…come back another day.
4. Sunday is not a productive day. It’s a day “en plan relax”.
Wanna be productive on Sunday? HAH! Forget any leftover work you might have and don’t even think about running errands (all the stores are closed…). Sunday is a day designated for relaxing, getting lunch with friends, and/or curing your hangover.
5. If you wanna sound like a native, say “vale” as much as possible.
Vale = OK. Throw it in there at the start and end of every question or statement and you’ll be talkin’ like a native in no time. Once you’re comfortable with that, try throwing in a venga or vamos for extra flavor.
6. “Ahora” does not mean now.
Sure, look it up in your Spanish-English dictionary. Ahora = now, right? WRONG. Spanish “ahora” means any time between now and within the next 5 hours. If your friend tells you “he’s leaving ahora”…well don’t hold your breath for him to arrive. You probably still have time to take a shower, run some errands, go to the gym and do some laundry.
7. Don’t be surprised when you hear an 8-year-old child yell “cunt”.
If I had a penny for every time I heard one of my students yell “coño!” in class, I’d be able to retire at the age of 30. You’ll hear all ages using this lovely word through the streets. “Coño” or “cunt” is not considered nearly as offensive as it is in English, nor is it usually directed at anyone. Rather, it’s just another expression… so try not to take it personally.
8. The minute you open your mouth, everyone will want to set up an “intercambio” with you.
An “intercambio” is the Spanish word for a “language exchange”. Native English speakers are like gold in Spain, as pretty much everyone under the age of 30 (and many above) wants to improve their English. That makes you intercambio gold. Aprovéchalo, it’s a good way to improve your Spanish and make friends!
9. You’ll never lose your accent. Own it proudly and represent!
I’ve been here for three years, have mastered local slang and even use my subjunctive forms here and there. But the minute I open my mouth, they ask me “de donde eres?” Yes, I am American and will never pronounce my “r’s” like you guys do. Rrrrrrepresent!
10. If you smile at an old Spanish person the wrong way, be prepared to hear their life story.
THINK BEFORE YOU SMILE.
11. Personal space isn’t a thing.
If someone rams into you on the street, don’t expect an apology. Oh, and at a bar your butt might be grinding against someone else’s butt. Get used to it.
12. The extranjería will be the death of you.
Anything having to do with bureaucracy and paperwork in this wonderful country is an absolute nightmare and will take about 5 times as long as it should. Going to the extranjería? May the force be with you. Here’s a useful website to help with all that bureaucratic icky stuff.
13. Know the difference: “tomar unas cañas” is very different than “salir”.
In English, going out is going out. It could mean until 12 am or 4 am. In Spain, “tomar unas cañas” means to casually get a few beers, “en plan tranquilo“. “Salir” means going out and staying out until the sun rises. And don’t even think about going back before 5 am. Read about Madrid vs. NYC nightlife here.
14. Eating hours are at 2:30 and 9:30 pm. Punto pelota.
Think of the Spanish body like an alarm clock: the lunch alarm goes off at 2:30 and dinner alarm dings at 9:30. You say you’re hungry at 1? HAH! Good luck finding lunch outside of your kitchen.
15. It’s not lunch. It’s “the food”.
In Spain, the 2:30 PM meal is formerly called “la hora de comer” or more commonly, “la comida”. That’s right…that literally means “the food”. It’s the biggest, most important meal of the day, aka time to GRUB. If you learned in Spanish class that lunch is “almuerzo”, learn again: almuerzo actually refers to the mid-morning 12pm snack!
16. The merienda
Remember when mom always said you have to wait for dessert until after dinner? Well, not in Spain! Around 7 PM, it’s national snacking hour. This is your set time to grab a cafelito and a slice of cake, cookies, ice cream…let your inner kid-in-a-candyshop come out.
17. Coffee is NOT for after dinner. It’s for after lunch.
18. And never offend Spanish food in front of a Spanish person.
You might as well call their mother ugly.
19. Beer is like water. And often, it’s even cheaper.
So, uh, order beer.
20. Waiters will serve you at their convenience
If you want a waiter’s attention, prepare to send smoke signals. Oh, and if they’re outside smoking a cig…well, you’re just gonna have to sit tight until they’re done.
21. Bread is your best friend! Utensils, what?
A meal without bread is like a day without sunshine.
22. When eating tapas, it’s slow and steady that wins the race
Tapas is not about the eating as much as it’s about the socializing! Read this post on “How to Tapear.”
23. Paciencia, hijo.
Patience is a virtue you must learn to incorporate into your day-to-day life. From trying to walk down the street but being blocked by a traffic jam of slow moving old ladies linking arms, to attempting to buy fruit at the frutería but the person in front of you gets into a 15-minute conversation with the fruit lady, these scenarios will happen to you on a daily basis. When it does, take a deep breath and remember: you’re on the same time schedule as everyone else. Sin prisa. the tranquilo lifestyle is one of the reasons why you love this country!
24. Cities are very different than villages. Be sure to explore both!
If you’ve followed me throughout my journey in Spain, you’ll know I’m totally an advocate of small villages. Where Spanish cities are bustling and modern metropolises with people from all over the world, the smaller villages are home to centuries old traditions that are still eminent in their culture today. Spain as a whole is a country of tradition but to get a well-rounded understanding of both sides of local life here in Spain, make a point of visiting both big and small! If you can’t decide where in the country to go, take this quiz and find out where your Spanish soul city is.
25. Open yourself up to people around you and you’ll have the experience of a lifetime.
Spark a conversation with your neighbor, talk to the person you always see on the bus, suggest getting a drink with a co-worker…Spanish people are incredibly open to making new friends, especially when it comes to foreigners living in their land. Once you make a Spanish friend, it’s likely that they will quickly start inviting you to events with their friends, add you to their WhatsApp groups, take you to weekends out in el campo, tell you about dope concerts, etc. Spain is a special place and it’s the people who make it that way. Open up, immerse yourself in the community-driven Spanish way of living, and you’ll have one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.
Have you ever experienced life in Spain? What else about Spanish culture do you find unique?!
*Disclaimer: These cultural observations are based on my experiences living in Madrid, Extremadura and Andalucia. They don’t all apply to the north, which has its own unique culture!